Humor

Liar, Liar: March 16th

It is super weird when you first find out your pregnant and you can’t tell anyone. Especially when it’s your first pregnancy so your mind is totally blown and you’re trying to act like everything is normal instead of irrevocably different.

So for those living in a cave, people tend to keep things secret first trimester because it has the greatest chance of miscarriage, which unfortunately is much more common than people think. So you’re faced with the thought process of “would I want to talk to this person if that happened” and the answer is usually no. So that fun guessing game you like to play, outing your pregnant friends? You’re being a dick. Stop it.

So anyways, I found myself in the liar camp, which was super hard for me because I’m paranoid, carry a guilt complex, and am normally an over-sharer. Seriously, it’s miracle that I kept this under wraps. (more…)

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RIP Theodore

Theodore, I fight the urge to say that you were taken from us too soon, but really you lasted beyond any expectation we had for you. You came into our lives about a year ago with a circus themed box from Barkbox. Your brother, Telemachus the tiger, was only with us for a few short months before meeting his end.

Wallace adored you. Unfortunately, that kind of love can also be damaging. While he affectionately groomed you and carried you around and tried to share you with whomever was sitting on the couch, there was a dark side to this as well. At times he would gnaw on you and chew, and we feared the end was near. Despite this hot and cold love, you lasted for months, enduring it all without a complaint (one of your finest attributes was truly that you didn’t have any squeaker).

I wonder if Wallace knew that the violent part of your relationship was reaching an escalating moment, because the week before your end he placed you on the kitchen stool next to me and went and laid down in the living room. It was the most reverence I’d ever seen him give to a stuffed animal.

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A few days later it was all over. I looked over at Wallace, who was on his dog bed, and there you were. For the first time, Wallace looked sad gazing upon your fluffy entrails that surrounded him. I’d never seen him show remorse after murdering one of his stuffed companions, you were the first, and there have been many. Wallace remained there with his ears back and I truly believe if he could have undone his actions, he would have. It was much like the harsh childhood lesson I experienced at a young age when I learned the hard way that My Little Pony manes don’t grow back after you cut them off.

So thank you Theodore for your endurance and your companionship. You were missed, it’s unclear if Wallace retains memory of previously adored stuffed animals, but in that moment you were mourned.

Theodore is survived by the Quilted Pig, Puppy (the cat stuffed animal), the rope toy, some Mardi Gras stuffed throws, and a collection of outdoor toys.

Why Nice People Can’t Hang Out With Me

I was going to title this “Why We Can’t Have Anything Nice”, but I’m going to save that one because that’s really a whole separate tangent. I’m going to change some names/facts to protect the innocent in this post, aka try and make sure these people might hang out with me again in spite of myself… Also unrelated, but you know how everyone has those words that they just can’t spell correctly for the life of them? (Unless you’re one of those copy editor types), “separate” is one of those for me. It is a deep seeded belief of mine that it should be spelled “seperate”.

Anyways, a few years ago A. and I were hanging out with a group of friends and one of our friends had a new significant other. Everyone else hanging out had known us for years and had a pretty solid comfort level with each other. So we were acting naturally. AKA not necessarily in a manner that’s fit for public or new people. (more…)

The Internet Is Weird

But we already knew that. So fun game, google image your first name and “meme” and check out the results. It gets weird fast. Here are mine for your amusement and credit to the Bloggess for the idea (also check out her memes, are they better or worse than mine?)

Here are my Jenna memes in the order that they popped up.

Meme #1. Good Start.

I started to type that I didn’t understand this one, but then I got it. Thanks Damon.

Mikaela is about as far from Jenna as something really far.

I really have no idea why this one came up.

This one is by far my favorite.

Getting creepy.

Is it still suicide if suicide is spelled incorrectly?

I’m never sorry about Mr T

This once was true, but I think these days not so much.

Indeed.

Boobgate

If anyone thinks I should not have shared this story, talk to my Aunty Babs, because she encouraged me.

I have a funny story about how this whole “I have breast cancer” thing started. Crazy right? Well I’m in a shitty mood today about things, so I’m going to write my funny story.

First, the back story:

A. and I have been together about 9.5 years, we started dating in college which was about 45min from my parent’s house, so we spent a fair amount of time there when we first started dating. My family already knew him because we’d been really close friends for the 3 years before and he’d been over many times.

Fast forward to 2 years ago, we’d been together for over 7 years, were married, and living in SF. I come back home for a few days the end of June by myself and my Mom flies back to SF with me. Somehow she tells me that she and my Dad were arguing that day about whether or not A. grabbed my boob in front of my Dad when we first started dating. This was the first I’d heard of this and was pretty much like “what the hell?” So my Mom proceeds to tell me that according to my Dad, A. grabbed my boob while we were sitting in the living room talking to my Dad. First off, My Dad is a very tall man and intimidating. Second, A. is a respectful guy. There is no way this happened.

So we get to SF and I tell my Aunty Babs and she tells me that the rest of the family has known about this for years, but she agrees it couldn’t have happened. It’s a very strange experience finding out that your family has been arguing about whether or not your now husband grabbed your boob in front of your Dad for around 7 years. Hilarious and strange. Obviously I never bring this up to my Dad because the last thing I want to do is discuss my boob and their proximity to A.

I had always assumed my Dad’s initial grumpiness about A. for the first few years was because he’s my over-protective father (he discussed buying land for my and my Brother to live on together in VT when I was in college, he thought I followed A. out to SF rather than came for my own interests, etc. A tad over protective of his daughter. The first two guys I dated came over to my house for the first times and he was cleaning his guns. True story.)

Another side note, my Dad loves A. now, one of his all time favorite people.

Fast forward to my diagnosis, which was a pretty shitty day for all of us. Dad is sitting in the dining room and A. is across from him both eating. I walk in and sit down rather smugly and say “This is going to be awkward for A., but I have one thing to say to you Dad.” I have both of their attention now.

“Remember that boob grab that you think happened, but totally didn’t happen?”

“How did you hear about that?” and some additional shocked comments from Dad.

“Whatever. Anyways, I just want you to know that A. grabbing my boob probably saved my life, because he found the lump.”

My Dad sat there for a few seconds and then looked at A. across the table, grinned, and said “Nice grab” and high-fived him.

My father, ladies and gentleman.

How I act around my crush

whatshouldwecallme:

In kindergarten: 

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Now:

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In 6th grade I passed the “I like you, do you like me? Circle yes or no” note to my crush. (I got a yes and an awkward summer romance that broke my little 12 year old heart when school started).

A little over 8 years ago I blurted out to my now husband while we were hanging out “I like you!”

Stick with what you know.