Is a perfectly reasonable question to ask and until today I would have looked at you like you were crazy. Today was one of those one step forward, two steps back kind of days. Or a more accurate and less polite way to put it is, today was one of those days that I got bitch slapped by my cancer and reminded that I’m not in charge most of the time.
As I mentioned before, chemo round 2 has been so much better than chemo round 1. It is still really sucky, but I haven’t felt like I was in hell or lost 14lbs in 5 days so it’s a vast improvement. I just want you lucky non-chemo experiencing people to understand when I say “way better” it’s a really low bar so hold the parade. The main difference is that we got my nausea mostly manageable and I’m taking three different things so I can sleep so I no longer feel like I’m an inmate in Guantanamo (we all know Obama wasn’t going to let me out).
The problem with feeling this much better in comparison is that I stopped putting my cancer first and started thinking I was a normal, somewhat limited, human being again. This was incorrect and as my dear cousin Chris would say, “Rookie Mistake”.
It turns out, even when one is feeling more human and like they can make plans and eat, and be active with their visitors, one still needs to pace themselves and act like they are prone to get sick at any moment. This sounds really lame, but if I had been acting like I’m less than one week into my chemo I probably wouldn’t have gotten super sick. I was already cheating because I went in for fluids and anti-nausea meds at DHMC on Friday. I think I probably would have gotten sick anyway because I was probably due one way or another, but getting really sick when you’ve eaten things you apparently shouldn’t be eating (bye yogurt, it’s been fun), didn’t take an anti-nausea drug because you were ready to be off of them (guess what, you weren’t), and you made plans to go out to lunch and for a long drive (hah), is going to be way worse sick than just normal I had chemo a few days ago and am still sick sick. Or at least I assume so since I didn’t get to experience that one.
The worst part was that I had two amazing wonderful friends that were visiting me that I had to leave to go be sick for like and hour and then come down to tell them I couldn’t hang out. Really really lame. However we did get to hangout most of the morning and last night and I am so very happy I got the time. I wish I had a photo of us for this post, but I thought we’d have plenty of time today. Even though I got bitch slapped by cancer today, I still had a really great time with them and it didn’t ruin it, just made me appreciate it more. I unfortunately don’t have that photo I wanted of all three of us, so I’m posting this in the meantime from 12 years ago when our friendship began.
Thanks guys, it’s been a tough few days and you were rays of sunshine and homemade empanadas.
Ok so back to Taylor Swift. As I mentioned, I was really sick. Like laying on towel (I’m not a heathen) on bathroom floor in misery sick. What gets stuck in my head during this hour+ of misery? “Now I’m laying on the cold hard ground. Ugh! Trouble! Trouble!” Which I then resentfully thought to myself “That bitch doesn’t even know the meaning of trouble. Try cancer.” Sometimes we all need a little bit of a self indulgent moment, and sometimes that moment is hating on Taylor Swift.
Also, fourth musketeer if you’re reading this. It’s been a long time and you were missed.