I was having a lovely breakfast of blueberry pancakes, Pelletier sausage, and my Dad’s syrup with Rena, Vivian, and A. when my surgeon called and rocked my morning (in a good way obviously). My Mom told me it was for me and my first reaction was “what the hell do these animals want from me now”, totally forgetting that I was expecting results for my nodes (that will happen when you’ve been on a steady diet of vicodin the day before).
My surgeon was calling me a day earlier than she had expected with the good news that my removed nodes didn’t have any cancer in them.
I actually managed to get happy about this one. Not as happy as everyone else of course, but just because my nodes don’t have cancer doesn’t mean I transformed into a different person. All I need now is for my tumor to have not grown in size and I can pretty much cross off radiation which would be major. This is also really excellent because they won’t remove any additional lymph nodes for my surgery next Monday which means I have a very low risk of lymphodema (which is pretty sucky to get based on my Mom’s experience). Any time I can cross off a permanent side effect risk, I feel good.
Yesterday was painful and I spent it mostly in a vicodin haze in bed redesigning my blog (perfect activity right?). I actually hate taking prescription drugs and had a fantasy that I’d take some Advil in the morning (only allowed once a day due to my upcoming surgery) and Tylenol throughout the day and I’d get through it. I gave that up on my way back from meeting with my surgeon and didn’t revisit that plan until this morning. Tomorrow I’m supposed to start feeling noticeably better, so fingers crossed for that and today I’ve resigned myself to bed and will pop some if things get bad again. Almost noon though and no vicodin since 5am!
Anyways thanks for all the support and messages and packages and general awesomeness. It really helps. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do (and hopefully ever will) and it’s only going to get harder in the short term. It’s hard to have to keep being strong and pushing myself through it knowing that it’s going to be a long time until it gets easier and I get to reclaim my life. Every little thing I get from you (FB comments, texts, emails, etc) brings a bit of color into my day.
Also as you can see I’ve made the switch to WordPress after being a loyal Tumblr user for years (at least half of you have no idea what I’m talking about right now). Just needed some formatting not available in Tumblr and I hope you’ll forgive me and keep reading.