When the X-Ray Guy Is Hot

Today I had my MRI and chest X-Ray. No info or news, I’ll get that next Thursday when I meet with my oncologist and surgeon. It was my first MRI and probably not my last, but I would totally vote to not ever do one again if that counts for anything?

So we had to leave at 6am for my MRI which is not a time that I enjoy being awake. I wore my Thailand pants, Atlantic City Firefighter shirt (hi Norm!), and my pirate head wrap.

I got to the MRI place and completely confused the technician when I told her I brought my own drugs for the MRI (they offer sedatives). We immediately had to cover that I had a prescription for them (I mean they were in a prescription bottle, it’s not like I took them out of my pocket) and that I had someone to drive me (she thought I didn’t for absolutely no reason at all and I told her I had two people, they could take turns). I brought my own because when I had lasik they gave me Valium (never had it before) and really felt shity afterwards for it. Moving forward, I’m not going to take drugs that I’ve never taken before during possible traumatic procedures. I have a prescription for anxiety meds that I take on airplanes when they’re scary (haven’t taken one since I get diagnosed until today, so that tells you how rarely I take them), but I know how they make me feel so I took one of those. If you have to get an MRI or something that may be scary and they want you awake and drugged, get them to give you one that you can take at home and see how you feel so that when you go in you’ll be prepared or can try something else.

The outfit they give you at DHMC is really something else. Thank god for the robe. I had to leave the shirt tied in the front because I was getting my boobs scanned (I’ve had 7 strangers look at and touch my boobs since this started now), and the shirt is gigantic so it doesn’t really close enough. The pants were 3X so those closed with a big loop open where you wouldn’t want a big loop open, but luckily they give you a robe that actually closes everything off. I immediately went into the reception area and told my parents to take a photo because I knew none of you would believe that the pirate bandanna was the least ridiculous looking thing I had to wear to my MRI otherwise.

I did a new business pitch for a hospital group last year all about preserving dignity for patients and it was definitely top of mind today.

I got to keep my wedding rings on for it which made me happy. A. is finishing the bar today in New Orleans, so good to have those with me. I met an older woman while waiting (also in a styling outfit like mine, minus the pirate accent). We talked about the pirate thing and she really liked it, she’s a breast cancer survivor and also not down with the pink ribbons (she doesn’t like pink).

The MRI was unpleasant. My tech was definitely someone who went into something partially because they don’t like people, totally fine, but kind of amusing/lame at the same time when you’re the one getting an MRI. I did not get any music offered and when I asked from inside the machine she either didn’t have my mic on (I think my machine was a bit bootleg from her comments about it) or ignored me.

It’s totally uncomfortable to lay on your stomach for a 1/2 hour in a tiny space with loud noises coming at you, even with an anti-anxiety med, padding, and ear plugs. I was in there for all 30 minutes and my arms started falling asleep in the 10 minute imaging session and that was really uncomfortable/irritating. My feedback to them on this would be to count down the minutes for the longer photos so you know how long you have left (there’s no sense of time in there) and also tell you how many photos in total you have left to do. It sucks being in there with no idea of how much progress you’ve made towards escaping your pod.

After I got out I found out that my Mom had tried to poison my Dad with some sort of pre-made egg white breakfast sandwich. He said it’s going to haunt him for a long time.

Then we went to the x-ray spot about a half hour early, but they got me in quickly which was nice. The X-Ray guy was hot, which is so not a perk. (side note for those that don’t really know me: I’m happily married). But anyways, the last thing I want is for some hot dude to be prodding my boobs, it would be so awkward. Luckily I got to keep my shirt on and there was no boob prodding. To be fair, I’d also like to avoid hot chicks with nice racks prodding my boobs through this experience as well. Sorry beautiful people, I just want you to stay away from my boobs through this. Other than the horrible MRI outfit, I felt like I escaped today’s appointments with my dignity more or less intact.

The hospital sent me a guide book to breast cancer, which totally pissed me off because it’s pink and it’s a guide book. So I’ve been reading it and it’s actually really helpful and informative. It also makes me have melt downs and sob, but those don’t last that long and so far the cats aren’t judging me. It is kind of funny though to go from looking at the pink cursive and scowling to sobbing within seconds, it’s a truly bizarre experience. From what I read, my goal is to avoid Chemo. I have no idea if it will be possible, but that seems to be the one that fucks up your body long-term and makes things happen that aren’t that bad in your 50s, but would be pretty shitty in your 30s (am I in multiple 30s if I’m only 30?) Again, no idea if this will be possible since I have no idea how good or bad things are, but it makes me feel a little better to have something to focus on that I want to try and avoid.

Alright, I’m signing off and going for a horseback ride and then up the mountain in my Dad’s new four wheeler. Happy Friday.

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