Yesterday was my first visit to the cancer section of DHMC. It unsurprisingly sucked. First there was a line of people waiting to check in and all of them older than me by at least a decade. The only people near my age were there as support.
The line really bothered me because everyone in it had cancer; couldn’t they do a number system so that they’re not making a bunch of people in various stages of treatment for cancer stand around? Seriously people, help me help you.
To be fair, I went in with a bad attitude. I was there mostly to meet with the genetics people and I felt like it was a waste of my time. To also be fair, 24 hours after the meeting, I still feel like it was a waste of my time. Given that I was already tested and the further testing they could do is way more imprecise and would let me know if I’m maybe more susceptible to other cancers (mainly ones where they’ll try and talk me into preemptively taking my lady parts that I’m feeling pretty attached to currently) it’s not something I’m interested in pursuing. As I’m just starting to figure out what’s wrong with me and what my options are to fix things, I could really give a shit about preventative care for other future issues that may not even occur.
We left it with them sending more of my blood to the lab that did my original test just to make sure they didn’t mix my test with someone else (highly unlikely, but possibly the same percentage chance of me getting cancer at 30 and not having the gene, so there you go).
The worst part was that there was a mix-up and I thought I was going to meet my oncologist for the first time and it wasn’t on his schedule. I kind of lost it then. I got really frustrated, but kept it mostly reeled in because as someone recently suggested, I am trying to get through this without being a “fucking bitch”. I know it’s going to be really frustrating a lot of the time with this, but it’s also not anyone’s fault, especially the people trying to help me get better and find answers. I may need to write that down for all future appointments.
Fast forward to me after the appointment waiting to give blood and the geneticist feeling really bad and coming out to talk to me. This makes me crack and tell her it’s just overwhelming and to have something I expect to happen not happen is just hard to take right now, so she keeps talking to me to try and make it better, and I’m sitting there trying really hard not to cry and wishing she would go away. So it goes.
Each day is a roller coaster. There are parts that are angry, sad, happy, funny, and just ok. The best thing has been all of the amazing messages I’ve been getting via email and Facebook. Pretty sure I’ve received over 100 of them so far. Over 200 people have read my first blog (I google analytics because I am a huge nerd). Today I got 3 packages of pirate stuff (thank you Laine, Brent, and Aunt Tricia). Pictures to come, Mom failed me trying to use the camera on A.’s phone.
Tomorrow I’m going to my MRI and chest x-ray with a pirate bandanna on.
Thank you again to everyone sending me love, warm wishes, prayers, and funny emails.