Why I Can’t Survive In the Wild

One time in college I went to a cave man party (at Panarchy, for my fellow Dartmouth geeks). You showed up and there was a bunch of animal print cloth that you made an outfit out of to change into. Then you went out back and roasted meat on the end of your long pointy stick (spear if you will) on a roaring fire and drank a 40. Totally authentic cave man experience. I was a bit of a failure and my meat kept falling off my stick into the fire. Finally my friend Adam took pity on me and cooked me some. He told me I’d never have survived cave man life, but I told him I’d do exactly the same thing and get someone to cook my meat.
This story sprang to mind given my current problem track record in Thailand. I’ve been here one week and this is how I’m doing:
1. Came here with what turned into the biggest and worst canker sore I’ve ever had. It’s right by my throat so it hurt to eat, drink, and exist (finally mostly pain free after a week of being here). So I couldn’t eat much without being in pain, and had to avoid anything spicy. In Thailand. Basically I got to be the picky white girl that was encouraged relentlessly almost everywhere to try spicy food because language limitations made explaining the problem pretty much impossible.
2. After my first 24 hours I got sick and had to take the antibiotics for 3 days.
3. I had a spoonful of A’s coconut curry (I get sick from coconut milk, but can handle a few bites) got sick immediately so that will be the last coconut milk I have in Thailand which is in 60% of all delicious things. However, coconut water and I are ride or die. No clue how these two things are simultaneously possible.
4. I get headaches from the heat way easier than A. which has happened twice in a week.
5. We went on a 3 day scooter adventure and after the first day (close to 6 hours of driving in 100+ degrees at times) I ended up with a very sore/chafed behind that wasn’t improved by the next two days of driving. A. is of course fine.

So I’ve either shot the moon in my first week or I’m coming home in a body cast.***

***please note that in spite of my physical short comings, we’re having an amazing time so far.

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