Addiction and Failure

I’m a coffee addict. Caffeine addict if you want to be precise. I have been since college with different highs and lows. While I realize this is a pretty insignificant addiction to most, it’s still a struggle for me. I just admitted today that my latest plan to quit coffee is just not going to happen (this round’s excuse is I can’t handle cold mornings without coffee). If you mention decaffe I will reward you with the look of death.

The addiction began in college where I was a procrastinator at a school that operated on trimesters and only gave two days between regular classes and exams. The coffee habit I nursed while taking classes became:

Step 1. Drink lots of coffee to be able to study/write papers/catch up

Step 2. Drink Starbucks Doubleshots when coffee doesn’t cut it anymore

Step 3. Drink Redbull when Step 2 stops working

Step 4. Take caffeine pills when step 4 stops working and physically can’t drink anything with caffeine because my stomach is in knots

After effects would be me laying in a bed after finals, barely able to eat, not really able to sleep, feeling dehydrated, sick to my stomach, and mind moving at slug speed. Super fun right? I did however always avoid the temptation to take ritalin or any of the other “study aids” many other students indulged in over finals to stay awake. Small victories.

The last time that I quit caffeine was when I had the flu in ‘07. I felt more alert mentally, physically better, and had more energy (I know right, why the fuck am I drinking the stuff when I have more energy without it?)

I started again because of some super early mornings to go fishing and spiraled down to my current situation which is drinking coffee out of the largest cup I can find so I can tell myself I’m only having one cup a day (although sometimes I have two. I would love to quit caffeine again, but every time I try the headaches and/or exhaustion break me.

This past time I wanted to quit because I started to identify with the asshole in the McDonald’s coffee commercials (not someone you want to be). I also had a friend concerned about me operating a motorized vehicle without coffee and people at work actually respecting that I shouldn’t be asked questions or talked to before coffee.

My goal is to quit before the wedding, my plan is to start again once I’m out of the winter cold so we’ll see how it goes.

From College

Titled: No Caffeine (you may recognize this as my no-nonsense photo)

Title: After Caffeine (scary right?)


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