It really bothers me how intrusive/judgmental everyone is about my relationship status. It blows my mind how stereotyped the expectations are and how comfortable everyone feels enforcing them.
I missed out on the whole “are you dating anyone” “you’re not getting any younger” comments due to graduating from college in a relationship but sympathize with everyone who has to hear those comments. Just know once you satisfy the relationship expectation there are new bigger ones…
My fiance and I were together over 5yrs before getting engaged recently. Somewhere around the 2yr mark people started dropping the engagement/married question, at 3yrs everyone felt comfortable asking. I had women I had just met ask me how long we’d been together and then when/if we were getting married. At four years I started correcting people “the question you mean to ask is if I’m happy”. Guess what people, getting engaged is complicated, it’s a big decision, the couple isn’t always on the same level with it, and it’s none of your business.
Now that I’m engaged I’m getting asked when the date is and from some close family members, getting told that we’re waiting too long (we have been engaged for less than a month and don’t have a date yet). I get constant requests about the ring and the proposal story. If we’re close or family I don’t mind these questions, but if you’re my facebook friend who I haven’t talked to in four years I don’t know why I would respond to your wallpost asking for me to post my engagement ring and the proposal story. Sorry, you don’t have time for an email/phone call, I don’t have time to post a response. I just want people to give us a breather, we’re engaged, we did it, now can we have happy time for at least a couple months before getting pushed to the next milestone?
After the wedding I get to enter the “when are you going to have kids? Are you trying to have kids? Don’t wait too long” phase. At one point I may have laughed this off as a stereotype, but after going through the are you getting married phase I know better. I fully plan on answering this question with “I’m sterile, thanks for bringing it up”. People, when you ask someone if they’re trying to have a kid, you’re asking about their relationship, sex life, and reproductive organs… aka none of your business to the max.
I am excited to be engaged, to get married at some point, to maybe have kids at some point; but I am tired of having one of the most personal aspects of my life feel like it should be facebook updates. I definitely will be thinking twice about the things I say/ask the people I know in these areas from now on…